Mama Hook Knows Best! titlecard Jake: Mama Hook Knows Best!


Hook: Step lively, men. It's not every day me dear old mum comes to visit.

Mama Hook: Ahoy! Oh, James Bartholomew!

Sharky: Who's James Bartholomew?

Smee: Never heard of him.

Hook: Mummy!

Mama Hook: James Bartholomew Hook, hoist me aboard at once!

Hook: Well, you heard me mum! Move it, men!

Smee: Aye-aye James... I mean cap'n.

Mama Hook: Mama Hook is here!

Hook: Mother, dear, it's so good to see you! And, how was your trip?

Mama Hook: All thunder, lighting and stormy seas! But for me it was smooth sailing. Why, when I was a pirate and sailed the Never Sea, there was never a problem I couldn't handle.

Hook: I know, Mother, I know.

Smee: And might I say Mrs. Hook, ma'am, your son, my captain, is truly following in your footsteps.

Mama Hook: Splendid! And that's why I'm here, James. I want to go on a treasure hunt with you, and then I can see my little genius at work.

Hook: Oh, what a glorious idea, Mother, dear. Men, set sail for Never Land and treasure!

Smee: Um, what treasure, sir?

Hook: Shh... don't bother me with details, Smee. Whatever Mummy wants, Mummy gets!

Skully: Crackers! We sure found a lot of cool stuff on the beach today.

Cubby: Check out this old teapot. (British accent starts) Anyone for tea? (British accent stops)(laughs) Huh? Whoa! It's a treasure map! I wonder what kind of treasure it is.

Jake: Say, mateys, want to go with us on a treasure hunt? Great! Remember to keep a lookout for gold doubloons. Whenever we solve a pirate problem together, they'll appear. Then we'll collect 'em and put 'em in our Team Treasure Chest.

Skully: Is everybody ready?

Jake: I've got my sword.

Cubby: I've got my map.

Izzy: And I've got my pixie dust. The fairies gave it to me so that we can use it to fly. But only in emergencies.

Jake: Yo-ho, let's go!

Song: Yo Ho Mateys Away:
All: Yo ho, mateys away
All: There'll be treasure and adventure today
Skully: Let's go!
All: Heave-ho, here we go
All: Together as a team
All: Jake and the Never Land pirates...
All: And me

Hook: This way, mother, dear. Uh...

Mama Hook: Pish-posh! This is ridiculous, James. We've been going in circles.

Hook: Uh, now, mother, let's not abandon ship just yet. I know there's treasure around here... somewhere.

Mama Hook: You've no idea where any treasure is, do you son? Why, when I was a young pirate, I could find treasure just like (snaps) that.

Hook: Of course you could, mother. Help me out here, Smee.

Smee: Oh, well, I, I... oh, lookie, cap'n! I bet the sea pups are here looking for treasure too.

Hook: That's it. I shall follow those meddling scallywags, and when they find treasure, I'll snatch it. Once I show me mum the treasure I "found", she will surely be proud of her little genius. (laughs)

Cubby: The treasure is buried in the Hidden Hills. And the first place on the way there is... Stepping Stone River! But how can we get over it to the other side?

Jake: I've got an idea! Those floating stones are like stairs. We could jump up them to get across the river.

Cubby: (shuttering) I'm not so sure about this.

Jake: Aw, don't worry, Cubby. Just pretend you're a jumping frog! Come on, Let's all jump. Yo-ho, let's go. (jumps across the river with Izzy and Cubby) Yay-hey, we got across the river, and we got two gold doubloons! Let's grab 'em and go.

Hook: This is the way to the treasure! Follow me, everybody!

Mama Hook: Hurry up, James, I haven't got all day.

Hook: Coming, mother, dear! (jumps in the water) (shouts)

Mama Hook: Oh, James, you're as clumsy as ever. Why, I'll never forget the day you learned to walk the plank and fell right into the Never Sea. (laughs)

Hook: (laughs) (sighing, groans)

Cubby: Aw, coconuts. Every time we go to Crocodile Creek, we have to get past old Tick-Tock Croc.

Jake: Well, we could run past him.

Izzy: Or we could tiptoe past him.

Cubby: Or, we could slide on this vine over him.

Jake: Come on, slide with us. Follow me. Whoo-hoo.

Izzy: Whee.

Cubby: Yippee. Yay-hey. We slid over the Tick-Tock Croc. And we got three more gold doubloons! Let's grab 'em, and go to the Hidden Hills.

Mama Hook: Ah, this is just like the old days, James. The thrill of the hunt, the discovery of buried treasure, the...

Hook: (gasps) Crocodile! Blast! Smee!

Mama Hook: No, no. Sit! Sit!

Tick-Tock Croc: Hh? (whimpering)

Mama Hook: (to the crocodile) That's enough. Go home! (to Hook) James Bartholomew Hook! Get down from there right now and find that treasure. You're embarrassing me.

Hook: (moaning)

Jake: Any sign of treasure?

Cubby: Nope. Just those stones in a circle. Check it out! It's just like on my map. I bet the treasure is buried under the circle of stones.

Hook: Ah-ha! Those little swabs have found treasure. I must grab it and go. Sharky, Bones, entertain me mum. Mr. Smee and I shall scout up ahead.

Sharky: Har-har.

Bones: Entertain we will, sir.

Song: Mama Hook's theme song:

Sharky and Bones:
The great first lady of the Never Sea.
She's a better scallywag than you or me.
She knows every trick in the pirate book.
She's the one and only Mama Hook.

Jake: This is my favorite part of treasure hunting! Opening up the chest to find out what's inside.

Hook: That's my favorite part, too! (laughs)

Jake and his crew: Captain Hook?!

Izzy: Where's Hook taking the treasure?

Cubby: Ah, coconuts!

Jake: He's giving the treasure to his mother?

Skully: Hook has a mother?

Jake: Mateys, we've got to get the treasure back.

Hook: Mother, dear, may I present a treasure of riches... for you.

Mama Hook: For me? That's my little buccaneer.

Jake: Izz, this is an emergency. You know what to do!

Izzy: Yay-hey, pixie dust away!

Jake: Ahoy, Captain Hook! Make way!

Mama Hook: My word! What is going on here? Who are you scallywags? How dare you take that treasure away from my son!

Jake: No disrespect, ma'am, but your son, Captain Hook, took the treasure from us.

Mama Hook: James Bartholomew Hook, is that true?

Hook: W-w-w-well, uh, you see, I, I...

Mama Hook: James.

Hook: I confess. I stole the treasure. (stuttering) But I did it for you. I just wanted you to be proud of me (crying)

Mama Hook: Oh, James, I've always been proud of you, my great and glorious pirate captain son.

Hook: (crying) Oh-oh, Mummy.

Mama Hook: There, there, James. Mama's here.

Bones: Anyone have a hanky?

Jake: Excuse me, Captain Hook? Why don't we all share the treasure?

Hook: (stammering) Share? Never!

Mama Hook: Why, James, sharing sounds like a wonderful idea. Open the chest.

Jake: Now, let's see what the treasure is.

Mama Hook: Teacups and saucers? How delightful. Let's have a tea and treasure party.

Izzy: Yay-hey, we got the treasure back, and we got five more gold doubloons! Let's grab 'em and go have a pirate tea party.

Mama Hook: More tea, little sea pups?

Jake: No, thank you, ma'am. We've got to head back to Pirate Island.

Izzy: So long! Bye, Hook family!

Mama Hook: Ta-ta. Adorable popinjays.

Skully: Bye, Mama.

Jake: See you! Mateys, thanks for joining us on our treasure hunt today. Now, let's count our gold doubloons and put 'em in our Team Treasure Chest.

Song: Team Treasure Chest song:
Way-hey, well done, crew
Everyone knew just what to do
Way-hey, with help from you
It's time to count our gold doubloons

Jake: Come on. Count with us.

All: Yeah!

Jake: One, two...

Cubby: Three, four, five...

Izzy: Six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Jake: Yo ho! For solving pirate problems today, we got ten gold doubloons.

Cubby: You know, Mama Hook sure turned out to be awesome.

Izzy: Yeah, I hope Captain Hook appreciates her as much as we do.

Mama Hook: Oh, what could be better than a tea party on Never Land? James, sit up! No slouching! That's simply not proper behavior for a pirate captain.

Hook: Yes, mother, dear.

Mama Hook: Oh, by the way, I've invited one more guest to our little party.

Hook: (stuttering) A guest? (screams)

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